Four Questions to Ask in an Interfaith Relationship

By Michelle Fleming
BustedHalo.com

Question: My boyfriend and I are beginning to have serious conversations about marriage. He is a shamanist, and I am a Catholic. He has attended Mass with me on multiple occasions, has prayed with me, and is open to conversations about marrying in the Church and raising our kids Catholic.

It’s not that he’s thinking of converting, and that’s not what I expect of him either. I just know that interfaith marriages can be very challenging. What would be your advice for conversations we should have before deciding on marriage and also advice for our lives together as partners and potentially parents?

Answer: I want to commend you for considering this question now. When couples get engaged first and then start thinking about working through their differences, it can be difficult to discuss potential conflicts because of the pressure to move forward with wedding plans.

So, the conversations to have before getting married are the same conversations as for people of the same faith tradition. Here’s a link to some discussion topics.

Specific to your question: Yes, there are many conflicts that can occur with couples of different faiths. To work toward resolving those, I would start with answering this question:

What does “faith” mean to each of you?

Talk about your beliefs (from the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ to the Eucharist, the sacrament of marriage and the virgin birth, etc.) and how they impact your life. What has happened on your faith journey? Share how your faith influences your relationships. Does your faith extend into ministry or social justice? Are religion and spirituality the same to you, or do you see some differences?

And the same questions are for your boyfriend. How did he come to his beliefs? What does he believe and how does it impact his life? What does he value about his faith? Does he see potential problems for your future relationship because of your difference in faith traditions?

Which leads us to the next question:

What do you expect from him?