7 Saints that Will Help You Fight Porn

Will I ever find "the one?"

Audrey Assad's Powerful Personal Witness

Midnight Watch

How to Gird Your Loins in One Infographic

A Call to Battle

On Fridays, we #FIGHTPORN

If you liked the previous blog post, here's a follow-up from Chiara. Again, be warned that she's raw and unfiltered in her writing, but the truth is being shared, so I'm posting it.

Wow. Serious holla at all of you good people. I am completely overwhelmed by the gracious responses I’ve received over the past several days (and words of affirmation are not one of my stronger love languages… sometimes I may struggle to convey my thanks in the moment, but I am truly grateful).

So here’s a picture of me repping #FighterFridays last week:

Fighter Fridays

Interested in purchasing one of these super nifty t-shirts for yourself? Check out my friends over at Fight the New Drug & The Porn Effect.

http://store.fightthenewdrug.org/
https://shop.theporneffect.com/

A trendy photo filter is cool, but let’s be real: I don’t have the luxury of fighting the battle against pornography and masturbation just on Fridays. This #instagram post isn’t me being a “hip young activist” fighting to end hunger in rural Kenya. Because I assume that most “hip young activists” fighting to end hunger in rural Kenya are not in themselves a hungry Kenyan child. I, on the other hand, am addicted to porn. Contrary to your run-of-the-mill addict, my drug is dirt cheap and can thrive inside my own head. My brain is a never ending clip reel, just waiting to derail my sobriety at any given moment. Thanks, brain. You’re a real gem.

#Lovesies

I assume most are familiar with the idea that we live in an oversexualized society: rape culture, unrealistic standards of beauty, and 12-year-olds doing it in the gym bathroom (some of you think I’m joking…). But to put it in perspective, let me enlighten you on what it’s like to live in this world as someone who gets turnt walking past an Abercrombie & Filth billboard.

Click here to continue reading.

A Horrible Idea

This is a blog post by a teen I knew as her youth minister in Seattle, current friend, and fellow fighter. It's raw, it's got a couple cuss words, and it approaches a difficult topic in a way you may not have heard before. Read on if you can relate.

If radical honesty isn’t your cup of tea, I won’t blame you for ignoring what I’m about to say.

In fact, this could all be a horrible idea, but I’m gonna say something, because most women aren’t saying anything (and I’m Italian, so vulnerability and speaking my mind are strong suits).

Here’s the story:

Imagine an 11-year-old girl, curious about the world, home alone with a computer. Have you ever gone to look something up, typed ONE wrong letter in the web address, and ended up seeing a lot “more” than you planned? Most people rapidly close the window and try again. Some people stop and look… especially curious 11-year-olds.

Then I looked again. And again.

Browser history –> DELETE

Give me a few weeks, and I had developed a meticulous ritual of moving the Ethernet cable from our newer desktop computer to the ancient one we never used (but still had sitting out), booting it up, looking at pictures I didn’t understand (yet desperately pined to see), carefully deleting the browser history, powering down, and moving the Ethernet cable back into place. All this because somehow I knew it wouldn’t be kosher with the parentals.

This went on for years – no hyperbole. We’re talking 365 x 4 (at least). I only got caught once, and even then, mia famiglia didn’t realize the half of it. I managed to talk my way out pretty easily (what can I say – Italians are manipulative, too).

If somehow you haven’t gathered the gist of what I’m getting at, it’s this big ugly word that makes people feel uncomfortable.

Click here to continue reading.

Is Porn Cheating?

Seven Steps to Beating Pornography and Masturbation

From ProjectYM.com (see it in its original form here)
By Fr. Matthew P. Schneider, LC

The biggest curse among men in the Church today is masturbation and pornography. We live in a “pornified culture” where sex is considered the goal of life; bikinis, twerking, and Photoshopped babes are everywhere; an average beer commercial today would have been considered porn only 50 years ago. The majority of men – and a decent percent of women – views pornography regularly. What makes this epidemic worse is that everyone pretends it doesn’t exist.

I don’t intend to discuss the deeper meaning of human love – read Theology of the Body – or modesty – read Wendy Shallit. I just want to offer concrete steps to end these self-destructive activities.

1. Keep in Shape
Justin Fatica has made the prayer workout. It’s intense! But if you ask Justin where it all started, he talks about how he was addicted to masturbation and a priest told him he needed to work out instead. If you can control your body’s urges in one thing, you’ll be more likely to control them in another. As well, being in shape helps regulate your sleep patterns in a healthy way which reduces temptations while in bed but not yet asleep.

2. Go to Confession ASAP
This is the simplest: once you fall, go to confession at the next opportunity. First of all, there’s the sacramental grace that removes the previous sin. Beyond that, confession helps guys who are not strong enough to break this habit cold turkey. Often these guys will find that if they go to confession and make a sincere intention not to do view pornography or masturbate again they’ll last 2 weeks but once they’ve fallen the first time, if they don’t go to confession, they can fall again in days. Returning to confession will make falls further and further apart till hopefully they’re non-existent.

3. Put Filters on EVERY Device
If you have ever intentionally viewed porn online, you need filters on every device, period. Even if you haven’t, put them on to be safe so you don’t accidentally view it. You might know you can get around it, still do it so you have your conscience bothering you for 5 minutes before you view pornography rather than the 10 seconds.

As a side note to parents: if you don’t have a filter on any device your son has access to, he WILL see pornography. It is no longer might. Pornography-promoters try to get kids addicted; even if your kid doesn’t want to see it, there’s a scummy businessman trying to make your son view it to increase his bottom line.

4. Don’t Say “No,” Say “Yes” to Something Else
This is a little counter-intuitive. What we usually think we need to do when we have a temptation is to say “no, No, NO, NO!!!” However, it works much better to say “yes” to something else. This can be something positive like saying a prayer or doing something nice for a friend or it can be neutral like watching a DVR version of last night’s SportsCenter or reading an adventure novel you like. This is better for 4 reasons: First, it gets your mind focused on the other thing rather than the temptation. Second, a “yes” gets stronger every time you say it but a “no” generally gets weaker. Third, we as humans can only say “no” to something well after we’ve said yes to something more important or better. Fourth, trying to make your mind blank makes it easy for temptations to return.

5. Be accountable to a Friend
This is the toughest one: find a friend, maybe a spouse parent or brother and tell them you have this problem. Some can beat this addiction without this step but if it’s taking you more than a few months to overcome it, you need a friend to be accountable to. Then you need to ask them 2 things which re-enforce steps 3 and 4. First, you need to get a kind of web filter called accountability software where your friend gets e-mailed a list of every website you view with a green (Disney), yellow (bikinis) and red (porn) color-coding system. They have the password so you can’t uninstall it. Second, you need to ask them to be available to talk when you’re tempted. You don’t want them to talk about porn or anything like that. You want them to tell you interesting stories or talk about a theme that interests you – this is saying “yes” to something else by asking them to talk to you about it.

6. Know your triggers
If you always view porn when you’re searching the internet randomly between midnight and 3am, do NOT go online then. The toughest thing is that you need to find a calm moment and analyze what causes you to fall. Often times there will be things you can’t avoid such as the temptation to masturbate as soon as you wake up or something like that; but, even in those cases, you need to figure out a way to beat the temptation a few times then repeat what worked. Oftentimes, previous steps such as staying in shape and saying “yes” can be a big help.

Sometimes, this can be harsh as pornography is often an escape. In such cases the trigger is a deeper rooted wound from the past that we need to deal with to be able to conquer pornography and masturbation. How to deal with wounds depends on the wound, and goes beyond my scope here.

7. Pray!
Ultimately, we would never be strong enough to beat these temptations alone. We need God’s grace. And for that, we need to pray, to ask him for it. I would particularly recommend asking Mary to protect your purity since she is the most pure.

[Thanks to my friend, Fr Juan José Hernández, LC who suggested step 6 which I missed in my first draft.]

EDIT: 8 months after I wrote this, I realized another step I missed here but is more important than these.

The Transgender Question

I have a friend. After high school she developed the habit of not eating food or throwing up the food she ate. Her habits have continued on and off for many years. My friend perceives that she is fat even though she has dropped to a weight of under 100 pounds. She isn't happy with her body. It never feels right. She has undergone changes psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually, and I can see a dramatic change in her personality.

Does my friend have a problem that needs to be addressed?

I hope you said yes to the last question. My friend has a problem that will lead to death if she pursues it deeply enough. In our society, this is generally accepted. We would say my friend has an eating disorder.

I don't mean to treat a difficult subject flippantly, but eating disorders offer a helpful analogy in understanding another disorder saturating our news: transgender disorder.

As the defenses of readers may be alerted at the mention of transgenderism being a disorder and the impending comparison of an eating disorder to transgenderism, let me first ask the following questions about my friend.

What does my friend need? Is her impulse to not eat or to eat and throw up a part of who she is because she thinks her body is not skinny enough? Should she be encouraged to continue her behavior? Will it help to embrace and live her identity as a bulimic or anorexic person? Or should she be encouraged to seek help and change her choices? Does her perception match reality? Would she be more fulfilled by working on her identity beyond the way she eats?

I hope you recognize the compassion needed to help a person with an eating disorder to healing, wholeness, and health. As individuals in our society, I hope each of us recognizes the need to help someone like my friend to realize healthier ways to identify with our bodies and our selves.

I hope you also begin to see the compassion needed to help a person struggling with gender or sexual identity to healing, wholeness, and health.

Back in July at the ESPYs (ESPN's sports awards show), the Arthur Ashe Courage Award was given to Caitlyn Jenner, the transgender person known for 65 years prior as Bruce Jenner. Pronouns are tricky, and I will likely offend some people just in describing the story. The award predictably elicited controversy. Now, having discussed the award with many people, I would like to comment on why I found it difficult to see Jenner honored for courage.

I do not doubt Bruce Jenner's inner struggle. As an Olympic-gold-medal-winning-Wheaties-box-spokesman, Jenner epitomized American masculinity around the time of his triumph at the 1976 Olympic Games. He said in the biographical material from the ESPYs that his gender plagued him throughout the time he trained, won, raised a family, and achieved stardom.

Now, with multiple marriages, children, and years behind him, Bruce decided to make the transition to being a woman. With a combination of pills and surgery, he transitioned and appeared on the July cover of Vanity Fair Magazine with the headline "Call Me Caitlyn."

Shortly after, Jenner received the ESPY. The acceptance speech by Jenner included a call for greater awareness of transgender people and their struggle, the extremely high suicide rate for transgender people, and the need for acceptance and respect.

I agree with Jenner on all those points. Transgender people struggle. Greater awareness is needed. The suicide and bullying rates for transgender teens are heart-achingly high. They must be lowered, with each person given the love and respect needed to live fully. Transgender people need acceptance and respect. Absolutely.

But the acceptance and respect I seek to give isn't to tell a transgender person that their identity is found in embracing something their body is not, just as I wouldn't tell my bulimic friend to pursue skinniness until she is happy. The perception does not match the reality. Surgery and pills are not the solution.

Bruce Jenner becoming Caitlyn Jenner is not a courageous choice. It's a choice by a person with financial means to get an extreme and expensive medical procedure. It's a choice by a person with celebrity to point to a gender transition as the end of a longtime struggle. It's not a choice many others can make, and it's not a solution.

I ask the same question posed earlier: Does Jenner have a problem that needs to be addressed?

Yes. He does. (And I say "he" because even though Jenner identifies as female, the biology of his body still makes him male.)

He needs to work through his woundedness. He needs support. He needs love. He needs people to surround him and help him find fulfillment. Fulfillment doesn't come from changing gender identity but from recognizing the beauty of our human condition. We are creatures capable of movement, problem solving, love, collaboration, and discernment. We are physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological beings. We are body-soul composites. We are God's beloved.

That last statement is the one that really matters. We are God's beloved.

Does Bruce Jenner know that? Does he realize God knows his deepest struggles and desires, his gender confusion, and all the choices he has made in this life? Does he know he will be endlessly and fruitlessly searching for fulfillment in this life because we are pilgrims made not for earth but for Heaven? Does he know personally the Savior longing for his love? Does he know?

God allows struggles in our lives. We are made stronger if we recognize and address the struggle. Eating disorder? Self image? Bad money management? Lying? Anger? Resentment? Pornography? Homosexual attraction? Sexual addiction? God loves us all the same, infinitely the same. God loves us too much to let us remain where we are. God loves us by encouraging us to grow.

Our healing comes when we address the struggle, not embrace it. Like Jenner, I believe the transgender community is hurting more than most people realize, but I differ with Jenner on how to bring about a change among transgender people. The solution is not in acceptance of rejecting DNA to embrace a perception of oneself but in recognizing the reality of the individual person as a child of God.

Love is the answer. Love wins. Love does not, however, blindly affirm. Love challenges. Love sacrifices. Love walks beside. Love transforms.

As Father Mike Schmitz challenges us in the video below, we need to consciously pursue the hearts of the people in our lives most in need of abiding love. We can be Christ for them. We can help them to healing.

Among the transgender question and raging issues of morality, life, and values in our culture, most people can agree there is a problem. I just wish more of us would live like we honestly, deeply believe that the only adequate tonic for the wounds within us is to drink from the living streams of God's abundant life.

If we really care to answer the transgender question, we have to know and love the people in the furnace of this growing struggle. I have failed in this respect, and I think we as a Christian people have failed to show Christ's love. So let's begin anew with the goal of treating each person with the dignity of God so that as we meet the one person that most needs that dignity--whether their struggle is with an eating disorder, gender identity, over-competitiveness, pride, or something else--we will be ready to meet their need.

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

A Day in the Life of a Priest

You're a Great Man: 29 Catholic Girls Explain Why

Sometimes I hear girls complain about the fact that they can’t find any good guys.

I don’t know what they’re talking about.

They are everywhere and I am blessed to have the privilege to know so many of them. I see great men in my grandfathers, my father, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends, co-workers, boyfriends, and neighbors.

These men inspire me to be a better woman. So thank you. Thank you for being a great man when you hold your temper… when you tell me I’m beautiful… when you’re okay with not being the center of my universe because you know Jesus deserves and holds that place… when you’re not afraid to call me out, to let me know the areas I need to grow in no matter how awkward it may be. You’re a great man when you refuse to let me be stubborn about my independence when it’s obvious I need a more skilled, helping hand.

If any man were to question whether or not his life has meaning, whether he has “made it” as a man, I’m here to tell you that I asked your sisters in Christ to affirm the great men that they know and I got over 6 pages of responses. We see your efforts. And we appreciate you. Keep striving to be the best version of yourself; and if you’re ever unsure if it makes a difference… read this again.

YOU’RE A GREAT MAN WHEN…
“You’re a great man when you make bold sacrifices.” – Leah M.

“You’re a great man when you remember to greet my friends and family members when we’re out together. That simple hello says a lot about your character!” – Erin H.

“You’re a great man when you inspire me to be a better person by the way you live each day. When you work out not for vanity’s sake, but so you can be the strength I lean on. And after all, what’s the point of triceps if you’re not using them to lift the old woman’s suitcase into the overhead compartment on the airplane? I want you to know that more than any compliments or courtesy’s you show to me, I watch the way you treat the cashier, the waitress, your little sister. The little moments of you being an authentic man of God in the small everyday ways, those are the ones that count.” – Maureen M.

“You are a great man when you show love for the Blessed Mother.” – Casey O.

Click here to continue reading.

My Marriage Wasn't Meant to Be

This is an excerpt from a blog by Matt Walsh on TheBlaze.com. It's not meant to endorse any political views from the site.

"I didn’t marry my wife because she’s *The One*, she’s The One because I married her. Until we were married, she was one, I was one, and we were both one of many. I didn’t marry The One, I married this one, and the two of us became one. I didn’t marry her because I was “meant to be with her,” I married her because that was my choice, and it was her choice, and the Sacrament of marriage is that choice. I married her because I love her — I chose to love her — and I chose to live the rest of my life in service to her. We were not following a script, we chose to write our own, and it’s a story that contains more love and happiness than any romantic fable ever conjured up by Hollywood."

Click here to continue reading.

50 People, 1 Question

Pigs

Diocese of Boise Seminarians

Seminary is where the journey to the priesthood begins. What does it look like? What do seminarians do? Who are our seminarians from Idaho? Here's a short video to learn about the six seminarians from our Diocese of Boise who are studying at Mount Angel Seminary near Salem, Oregon this year. Another two seminarians are at Mundelein Seminary outside Chicago and one is on his pastoral year in Rupert, Idaho.

Coming soon is an opportunity for young men to visit the seminary. The cost is low (only $40), and the trip will begin with the drive to Mount Angel (about eight hours) on Thursday, Oct. 16 after school going until a return on Sunday, Oct. 19 after attending Mass. If you're interested, talk to Daniel today.

Their Stories, Your Story

These are two friends of mine from Mount Angel Seminary with unique stories about their calls to seminary and to the priesthood. What is your story?

The Dating Game

 

By Esther Rich, ChastityProject.com
See the original story here

A few weeks ago, I was at the gym with a friend when I saw a guy who I was certain I recognized but couldn’t decide where from. Good-looking, dark hair, athletic build, training with the university boxing team. There was no denying he was attractive. Then it dawned on me where I’d seen him before. Every Sunday he rushes into Mass late, on his own, and sits at the back of the church.

While mentally congratulating myself for working this out, I happened to mention it to my friend. Her automatic response was “oh yeah, he’s hot and he’s Catholic’—you should ask him out!” What did I know about him at this point? He’s physically attractive, and he’s Catholic. Not much! Yet this was apparently enough to warrant asking the guy out. What’s more, I’m pretty sure the ‘and he’s Catholic’ was only added because my friend was aware this would be one of my terms.

I didn’t know his name, his age, his nationality or his interests, and yet it struck me that nowadays the natural next step would be to ask him on a date purely based on appearance. Physical attraction might motivate some to pursue one night stand, but it’s certainly not a sufficient basis for a longer lasting relationship. Somewhere along the line, dating has become a recreational activity instead of a discernment process.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date someone unless you’re 100% certain you’re going to marry them, but I am saying that if you’re pretty certain you’re not going to marry them then you probably shouldn’t consider dating them.

In his book ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’, Joshua Harris fantastically explains the difference between dating for entertainment and dating intentionally. He offers 7 habits of defective dating to look out for in our own relationships and attitudes towards them:

1. Dating leads to intimacy but not commitment.
2. You skip the ‘friendship stage’ of the relationship.
3. Physical relationships are mistaken for love.
4. The relationship isolates a couple from other friends.
5. The couple is distracted from preparing for the future.
6. Discontentment with the gift of singleness arises.
7. A person’s character is evaluated in an artificial environment.

It’s so easy to fall into any one of these traps, particularly while we’re surrounded by a culture of instant gratification that teaches us that we can have anything we want without much effort. But defective dating will inevitably lead to a painful break up or, worse, defective marriage! Changing the end result requires us to change the process. Changing the process can begin now—whether you’re in a long term relationship, just starting out, or are single.

Take the time to get to know someone and discern the potential for a relationship before you begin dating. If you become romantically involved too soon, it’s easy to get stuck in a relationship which is unhealthy, restrictive and, ultimately, destructive. Instead of rushing into a serious relationship for fear of being alone, or going on date after date after date with different people but having no real focus, allow God to work in his own time. Trust that He will provide what you need, when you need it.

You don’t have to buy into the dating game. There’s another way. A better way. God’s way! And for our part that’s the simplest way of all.

Whether a Man Can Be a Cafeteria Catholic

By Fr. Gaurav Shroff

“I’m Catholic, but I don’t really believe in X.” This is a common enough statement, either explicitly professed or implicitly held, even among Catholics who are, as they say, regular church-goers. “X” may represent any variety of things: a whole slew of issues relating to human sexuality on which the Church has definite teachings, the nature of Christ (“a good moral example” but not “the Son of God” and “my Lord and Savior”), religious indifferentism (“all roads lead to heaven,” thus denying the uniqueness of Christ), the necessity of the sacraments for salvation, the uniqueness of the Catholic Church (“it’s all the same, go where you fit in”), the obligations of justice to the poor, etc. Some may actually be coming to church for a variety of reasons, but not believe much of what the Church teaches at all, about God, man, the universe, the moral law, etc.

The thing is, “going to church” is really the manifestation of supernatural faith, that is, by participating in the worship of God in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, that worship in “spirit and truth,” established by Christ, regulated by the Church, until He comes again. One can go to Mass for other reasons (culture, family pressure, to meet an eligible Catholic girl, aesthetics [if one is fortunate to be in a place where the Mass is celebrated beautifully!]), but the primary reason is because of faith.

Now faith is, first of all the full and complete response of the whole person to the God who reveals (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #144). However, because man is made to know God who is Truth itself, as well as to love Him, who is Goodness itself, faith also involves an assent to a revealed body of truths about God, truths that would not be accessible to human reason unaided. Faith is a gift of God, and comes to us from outside ourselves (CCC, #153, Rom. 10:17. No one “makes himself” a Christian), but at the same time a human act of response, obedience, and assent (CCC #154).

So what is going on when a Catholic says, “I’m Catholic, but I don’t really believe in X?” In his study of the virtue of faith, St. Thomas Aquinas asks the question thus: “Whether a man who disbelieves one article of faith, can have lifeless faith in the other articles?” (ST IIa IIae q. 5 a. 3) Thomas’ answer is a very definite and clear “no.”

To continue reading, click here.